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Speak. Inspire. Heal.

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This was the process necessary for Nina Marqueti to be able to change the reality of her story.

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Transforming a traumatic experience, suffered in adolescence, into the driving force of a movement that brought awareness to a type of abuse that is more common than we imagined.

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This was the much needed process Nina Marqueti went through to change her reality, leaving the “victim” position - that never suited her - to becoming a driving force for a movement that brought awareness to a type of abuse that is far more common that we imagine.

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The logic should be simple: physical pain, visiting the doctor, treatment and cure.

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Unfortunately for Nina, and many other women around the world, the visit to the Pediatrician started a trauma of immeasurable weight and unimaginable consequences.

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It was in a small, conservative town where Nina, a teenager, was beginning to understand who she was, what she believed in, ideology and how big the contrast with her family's ideologies and beliefs was.

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Never having been counseled about sexual violence and witnessing situations of oppression, where people would be submissive to others who had better financial situation, or women would quietly obey men, Nina grew up in an environment prone to abusive behavior. 

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“I feel that what happened to me, this sexual violence that I suffered, was greatly helped by the environment where I was. I never had a conversation about sex, I never had an effective sex education at home. ”

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Since she was very young, Nina faced a series of health problems, which made her and her family visit doctors periodically. And it was in a situation of hospitalization in a public hospital in her hometown that Nina and her mother met the pediatrician.

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The procedure of an endoscopy brought the diagnosis of chronic duodenitis, gastritis, and some other complications, which ended up raising the suspicion of a celiac disease, the specialty of this doctor.

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After years of treatment at the pediatrician's private clinic, it was during the vestibular period that, after a stomach crisis, Nina ended up in the hospital again, which made her mother look for this professional in his private clinic.

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Nina was 16 years old when she returned to his office and witnessed a strange consultation, which embarrassed her.

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"He spent a long time talking to my mother and asked if I was a virgin."

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Nina's first sexual intercourse had already happened at the time and it was not a pleasant subject for her mother.

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The reaction of Nina's parents regarding the beginning of their daughter's sexual life was not comprehensive, even going so far as to not speak to her for a few days, and this treatment caused her teenager's self-esteem to be shaken.

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"And I believe that this situation contributed to what happened in that office".

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When answering the doctor's question about her daughter's virginity, Nina's mother gave an answer that was notable:

"- She is no longer a virgin. This girl is terrible, doctor. Can you believe it?".

 

"It hurt me a lot, for a long time and it rocked my relationship with my mother."

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The feeling of exposure and humiliation took over that girl, who had to remain seated in that office, listening to absurdities such as:

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"- My wife is very annoying when she has PMS, that's why I told her to remove her uterus, to remove everything."

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The next move was to take the teenager to a stretcher and begin the examination.

“- Where does it hurt, Nina?" - Asked the doctor squeezing her abdomen and going down with his hands until they reached her groin. 

 

“He was touching my groin with my mother present. He positioned himself with his back to my companion so it was not possible to see where he was touching, but he verbalized that he was touching my groin to look for lumps, which did not raise suspicion. ”

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"- Wow, you're shaved, huh?" - Said the doctor maliciously, making Nina uncomfortable.

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"I remember that the way he spoke made me embarrassed, I felt exposed, but I had no idea that a doctor was going to sexually rape me."

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A week later, Nina returned to the office to deliver the results of the tests she had done. At that time, her mother was unable to accompany her because she was working, so the teenager went to the doctor alone for the first time.

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“When I delivered the exams he said it was all right, but that he needed to examine me again, since last week he had already touched my belly. I laid on the stretcher and he said:

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“- Ah, let me see those lumps. Can I lower your pants and panties a little more?. ”

That's when he lowered them completely, leaving me completely exposed. That's when he started:

 

“- Tell me where it hurts. Does it hurt here?" Said the doctor, lowering his hand. "Does it hurt in here?”

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“He was pretending to be examining me and that's when he started masturbating me and inserting his fingers into my vagina.

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I couldn't say anything, because I was already feeling completely demoralized.

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I was scared to death. I remember that the air conditioning was on and the room was cold, so I was petrified, frozen and I thought, I will freeze here and I will never come back to life.

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As it happened, I remember the internal dialogue in my head.

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'- I can't say anything otherwise he will say that I'm crazy, he'll say that I'm bearing malice where there isn't, but why is he doing this to me?' ”

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During the abuse, the doctor told Nina to relax and let him do his job, and in the end he complained:

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"- I can't work with you because you don't relax!"

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"When he said I could put on my clothes that the exam was over, I remember leaving that place with my stomach upset."

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Nina considers that the greatest violence she suffered was from society, as she was not prepared for that type of situation.

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The fear of her parents' reaction made Nina hold the truth for a while before telling them what happened. It was only after a few months that the teenager decided to share with her mother what had happened, but unfortunately, nobody believed her.

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"- This is in your head." - Said the mother.

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In the middle of the conversation my brother arrived and said:

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"- Stop with the wrong idea because you can end the guy's life because of this fertile imagination."

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“Their reaction was a huge surprise, because there was no support, nobody believed me. And why would I invent something like that, you know?

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There were moments in my life when I really came to believe that I was crazy, I constantly wondered why I hadn't said anything, why I hadn't said anything and whether my silence indicated consent”.

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Feeling guilty, Nina describes:

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"I was very ashamed to tell people what had happened, afraid of being judged, of my friends excluding me, of nobody wanting to get to know to me."

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The physical trauma had already happened, but as time went by, the emotional and psychological trauma gradually got worse. Leading Nina to depression and suicide attempts.

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The fear of opening up to a partner and the person losing attraction, the fear of the person looking at you differently.

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About the victim's place, Nina explains what the feeling was:

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“I know that I was a victim, I know that I survived a crime that almost killed me, but the idea of ​​a victim can be very disturbing, with this belief that the victim will replicate abusive behavior and that people would fit me in this stereotype of victim. And once you speak, you have to wear the victim's clothes, but it doesn't define who I am. And it does not limit my experience in this world solely and exclusively in this condition as a victim. "

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The abuse also changed the way Nina relates to other people. After what happened, some situations happened at the time of sexual intercourse.

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“Sometimes I had a crisis and started crying, so I ended up talking to all the men I had and do you know what happened? Nobody has ever supported me to fight it, nobody has ever told me to report it, to go to the police ”.

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It was with the viralization of the hashtag “#mybestfriend (#meuamigosecreto)” on social networks that Nina felt she was seen, felt represented and understood the strength and the importance of seeing people talking about her abuses.

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“I started to see all those women talking about sexual violence that they had suffered, and women that I admired a lot, like a writer I was a fan of who shared about a rape she suffered as a teenager. It was by reading phrases like "it's not your fault, don't blame yourself" that I understood that the situation I lived in was not my fault and that he shouldn't have done what he did to me. I saw very strong and respected women without wearing the victim's clothes and fighting for justice and truth, and then I understood: it’s not me who has to be ashamed, it’s not me who has to be quiet, he’s the criminal. ”

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The decision to speak to the parents again and explain with all the letters that she had been raped by the doctor brought, yet again, disappointment by having her testimony discredited.

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“Knowing that even after so many years, my family still didn't believe me, it hurt me a lot. The feeling of helplessness, that I couldn't fight and that I had nothing I could do left me in a very serious depression. I was spending a holiday at my parents' house when I tried to raise the issue with my mother again, and I felt that she didn't have the tools to face the fact that I had been sexually abused. One night, I was crying in the bedroom when she came over and said:

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'- I'm going to sleep, but I'll leave the door open if you need anything.'

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And although I never admitted, never said anything, that phrase "I'm going to leave the door open" showed that it was there, in some way, for me. "

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In 2018, two years after moving to the United States, she was selected for an artistic residency, to write a play and perform. Nina decided to write a solo piece, something that according to her, would never have happened had it not been for the support of her current partner.

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“I came home, I took the typewriter and I was telling my story. I was writing from a place of denunciation and that was very powerful. "

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“The first presentation was cathartic. I had never said that to people openly, and suddenly I was presenting my story to people I know and people I don't know. ”

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After this presentation, when people shared their traumas, Nina realized that most people had a history of abuse, and that "the victims" were the vast majority.

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Another thing in common that most of the reports had, was the fact that the families, it was difficult to side with the victims.

The story took on a new chapter when Heloísa Villela, correspondent at the time for Brazilian Television channel Record, contacted Nina and asked for information from the abusive doctor so that Record's investigative journalism could begin an investigation.

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Helo's call brought the security, the floor, that Nina needed.

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"This thing of knowing that you are not alone has changed everything, because together we move mountains, but alone is too hard".

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“They were finding more and more cases and it was at that moment that I decided to do my police report, but as I was in the USA, I needed my parents to do it. And they went. My mother even gave testimony. This moment was very important for my relationship with my mother. "

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When the article was about to come out, the question came: whether or not to show the face, to expose the family or not?

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“All the women had given interviews anonymously, so the story didn't have a face and I definitely didn't want to put my face on. I was very afraid of what he could do with my family, that still lived in the same city as the abuser. And what if he hired a killer, I don't know. A pediatrician who sexually abuses patients may be capable of anything. But that weight is not for me to carry. He has to bear shame, fear and feel dirty. IT'S HIM. HE IS A CRIMINAL ”.

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It was then that Nina decided to show her face, so that people would know that the victim of sexual abuse need not be ashamed.

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“In a conversation with Luciana Kornalewski, we discovered that there was no data on sexual violence by health professionals, so we decided to make the video and create the campaign “#OndeDói (#WhereItHurts)", to bring information and help the victims, showing which way they can go on to report criminals.

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“From the moment you share your story it is liberating, the person having this opportunity to speak up, and more than that, speak to someone who believes in them, who has been through the same situation. It was a very big healing process ”.

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Talking is the first step in the healing process to begin. From speech comes the possibility to find your support network, find help.

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"I managed to transform this into art, take it to my work, to the spotlight, to transform it into discussion. Trauma does not limit us. But it is necessary for people to know that it is not only when it happens, there is an after, a powerful place of liberation where we can use what happened to help many people. ”

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"Today, at 28, I feel like it's a cut that was infected. I tried to seek help, but nobody wanted to clean it, nobody wanted to help stitch it up, it got infected, it hurt, it almost killed me. The infection spread to other places in my body and from the moment I started to deal with that injury, I cleaned it, cared for and treated it - it no longer defines me. It became a scar. It will always be there, I will never forget it, but at less doesn’t hurt me anymore.

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Because we deserve to live, man. First of all, we don't deserve to be raped, but the victims of any sexual abuse deserve to live, not just survive ”.